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Wednesday, March 28

Culture Project: Blueprint for Accountability - From Georgetown University last evening

Culture Project: Blueprint for Accountability from Culture Project on

"Tonight at 7pm EDT, you can watch Blue Print for Accountability --a live-stream from Georgetown University featuring the verbal pyrotechnics of Eliot Spitzer, former governor of New York; Matt Taibbi, the journalist best known for documenting the obscene behavior of Goldman Sachs; Van Jones, the honcho behind Rebuild the American Dream; Heather McGhee of Washington Demos; best-selling author Ron Suskind; and OWS activist Jesse La Greca. Hosting this powerhouse lineup is the indefatigable Dylan Ratigan, who skewers the failures of the corporate system everyday from his perch at MSNBC. Sponsored by the Culture Project."

Thursday, March 15

Away, Down South !

Mullah Ricky Stomps on the Competition ... Gingrich's Cri de Coeur ... What Is That Senile Fool Up To? ... The Show That Will End in Tampa?

"Away down south in the Land of Cotton
I smell you and you smell rotten!
Go away! Go away! Go away, Dixieland!"

Two huge primaries were decided back on Tuesday in two rather unlikely states, Mississippi and Alabama. A poll released just before the voting revealed something that should shock no one - that a majority of the Republican voters in those two states steadfastly believe that President Obama is Muslim, and don't believe in evolution.

Again, that comes as no surprise. Both states are deep red - meaning that Ignorance is cultivated there as a cash crop. Mississippi is the poorest state in the nation, with a high percentage of teen pregnancies and a whole raft of other handicaps (notably Haley Barbour). But on the other hand, MS does get more Federal money than it pays into the kitty in taxes, so I suppose that's a plus.

Newton "I'm Not As Fat As Baron Harkonnen, And I Have Better Hair" Gingrich considered these two states (Alabama particularly) as his "firewall," two states that he absolutely had to have in order to maintain his legitimacy as a viable candidate for the nomination. He's from Georgia and he can connect with the voters. All he had to do was campaign hard, and trust to Romney to stick his expensive shoes in his mouth.

Which Romney did, frequently and with great hilarity, from his statements about liking "cheesy grits" and catfish to his affected drawl. So it looked like Gingrich might have won, right?


Santorum campaigned like a ferret on crank, and by about ten o'clock Eastern Time was doing the weasel war dance all over the place. While proclaiming his victory in Alabama, he got word that the race in Mississippi had been called for him as well, which amped up the crowd so much I thought they were actually watching the last Crimson Tide game.

The Wannabe Mullah connected with voters down there more than Gingrich did, and at the podium finish it was Santorum on top (Eww!) with Gingrich coming in a close second and Romney breathing down his neck at third. The Two-by-Four managed that much, and his campaign had started downplaying expectations about a day before the voting actually started. Mittens got the booby prize of the night by winning the all-important Hawaii caucus.

Gingrich decided to vent his frustration, an act somewhat reminiscent of a humpback whale venting out its blowhole or a massive, blattering beer fart. It boiled down to one short sentence that any parent of a teenager will have heard at some point: "People just don't understand me!"

Not so, Newton: The problem is that people understand you too well.

All of which put Doddering Old Fool Ron Paul a distant fourth, where he's been ever since the last creep left the field. Supposedly Paul's a gynecologist or obstetrician by trade - all I know is I never want any member of my family setting foot in his practice (or his hideous clot of a son's for that matter). I just hope he's a better doctor than he is a candidate.

Rumors of some sort of backroom deal (the kind of thing all GOP candidates and voters say they abhor) between Romney and Paul started moving around, with the following basics - that at the convention Paul will throw his massive, swollen nut of 50 or so delegates to Romney, along with his endorsement and that of his merry band of minions, in exchange for Mittens putting Rand Paul on the ticket as Veep.

Which just made me wonder something: With all the bullshit about the Mormons posthumously baptizing non-Mormons so they go to heaven, did any of them give Hitler the Get Out Of Jail Free card? Just asking.

Santorum wants to debate Romney, the putative puta front-runner, one on one. Gingrich has vowed to fight on in memory of all those ragged, starving, out-of-ammunition rebels just before Lee went to meet Grant, and no one knows why the blistering fuck Ron Paul is still even in the race. It all ends in Tampa, where I hear that the strip joints are feverishly preparing pressure washers and steam hoses to clear away the tidal wave of straight-laced Good Christian Republican semen.

More popcorn?

Monday, March 12

You Don't Have to Go Home, But You Can't Stay Here

Over the weekend, a US soldier, identified so far only by his rank as a staff sergeant, left his base in Afghanistan.

He went to several Afghan homes, and shot sixteen Afghans - nine of them children. According to the BBC, several of the children were killed by single shots to the head. There is also evidence that some were set on fire after they were shot.

Five or so others are being treated for wounds, and after his little outing the soldier returned to his base and turned himself in.

I think it's time we left. We have stayed too long for any good we are doing.

Let us go.

John Boehner Speaks!

Or, Out of the Mouths of Fools.

The Great Orange-Skinned One, the Oompa-Loompah from Ohio, the Speaker of the House of Reprehensibles, John "Crying Man" Boehner (R-OH), sat down to have a chat with the Wall Street Journal over the weekend.

Among the many nose nuggets he fished out and flicked at the reporter was little gem, one of several amazing things said while the rest of us were trying to catch up on sleep:

"We got 435 members. It's just a slice of America, it really is. We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest. We got some of the best people you'd ever meet, and some of the raunchiest. We've got 'em all."

One has to wonder which category Boehner files himself under. Being a fairly typical politician (that is, a flaming narcissist), he will probably lump himself in with the smart people.

And yes, we have to recall that we voted for these 535 idiots (I include the Senate). We voted for them. They didn't pass through an interspatial membrane, nor are they The Lizard People of Whamadoodle IX.

There's a reason P.J. O'Rourke titled his book about the Congress Parliament of Whores.

Saturday, March 10

Bleeding Kansas

... And the Half-Sane Prince (Of The Church) ... Romney Bails On The Sunflower State ... Can A Patrician From Massachusetts Love Grits, And Does It Go Well With Scrod? ...

The Kansas caucuses are now history.

His Eminence Rick Santorum, Archbishop of Kookyville, trounced the field and won about 33 of the 40 delegates on offer. This boosts his standing on the hustings, but according to Romney's staffers it won't matter anyway.

See, Romney wants the rest of the candidates to drop out of the race now, so he can suffer all the way to Havana (or Tampa, if you prefer). The other three worthless assholes in the race, however, don't see it that way.

For some reason, Romney didn't show up to campaign in Kansas, letting his name recognition and fireball personality ... oh, yeah, right. He lost.

He did pick up the immense delegate haul from Guam and the Northern Marianas. Looks like something good came out of Abramoff after all.

So now attention turns to the Deepest bit of the Deep South, the home of NASCAR fans, dyed-in-the-wool Confederacy freaks, meth addicts and sheer blithering lunatics. I'm talking about Mississippi and Alabama, folks.

Romney opened up with a fantastic ploy guaranteed to win the hearts and minds of Southerners who might be suspicious about voting for a rich non-Baptist Jack Mormon from one of them there elitist Northeastern states who was born on third base believing he'd hit a triple.

Said ploy being telling everyone that he was "learning to like grits," the gratuitous use of "Ya'll," and saying that he was a "kinda politician." At a campaign event featuring the rock group Alabama, Mittens suggested they play the song Sweet Home Alabama.

Which is by Lynyrd Skynyrd, not Alabama.

I don't think that Microsoft 'Speak Southern' software patch is working too well, Willard.

Newton Gingrich (again, I'll use his full first name as much as possible, as the short form is an affront to good amphibians everywhere) laughed off Romney's ploy as a typical carpetbagger smokescreen and touted the fact that he'd lived in neighboring Georgia. He confidently expects to win in Mississippi and Alabama.

Saint Santorum is also expecting to do well. Jesus is second only to college football in those two states. Doddering Old Fool Ron Paul keeps blathering on, apparently content to muddle along at fourth or third place in practically every race so far, and maybe far into the future as the Republican Traveling Circus lurches and stumbles and staggers into Tampa, where the deal will go down.

Monday, March 5

Monday News Roundup

The war drums continue to throb in the late-winter air, gentle readers, reminding us that the Top In The Relationship wants us to throw ourselves headlong into yet another war on the Asian landmass. Yes, indeedy, Israel wants war with Iran, and the neocons in this country just bend right over and beg, "Will you at least kiss us this time?"

A group of retired generals have put out a full-page ad, signed by them all, asking can we please not stick our collective genitalia in the meat slicer again, pretty please with sugar on top?

I'm surprised. If they had done this in a Republican Administration, they'd all be in Gitmo right now, trying out that new soccer pitch. Which leads me to that - a few people at work questioned the wisdom of having a soccer pitch, until I pointed out that it was probably built on the beds of land mines that keep the base separate from the country it belongs to; i.e., Cuba.


Homophobia got back into the news, with Useless Has-Been Kirk Cameron holding forth that The Gay was destructive. News flash, Kirk: It's destructive if it's done wrong. You obviously have had a bad experience.

The ruler of Belarus remarked over the weekend that he thought it was better to be dictator than gay. From the look of his picture, I think he's smoked the old Baloney Pony at some point in his life. Maybe he and Kirk can hook up.


Speaking of Useless Drains on Our Precious Resources, Rush Limbaugh issued a tepid "apology" to the young college student he called a slut for using birth control. The "apology" was painstakingly hand-crafted by The Viagra Smuggler's bevy of lawyers after more than a half-dozen corporate sponsors bailed on his flabby ass.

And in a breathtaking display of cognitive functions, America's Senile Uncle, Ron Paul (R-TX, gee ya think?) let everyone know that Rush's "apology" wasn't genuine. I'm so glad that the Sociopath candidate for President is still capable of displaying enough thinking skill to enable him to tie his own shoes.

How's this for stupidity? Pat Robertson says that the recent spate of tornadoes are due to a lack of prayer. Will someone get this guy more Aricept, please?


A shitstorm of hideous tornado weather has smacked into states like Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, and so on, killing a bunch of people and erasing entire towns. If you have any money to donate, dear readers, I suggest the Red Cross or a similar disaster relief organization.

Ohio's Governor, Drooling Republican Kasich, has waved away Federal disaster aid. He says that Ohio can manage all on its own, but that he may ask for assistance 'later.' 'Later' might be too late for a lot of people, which includes the people who voted this jackass into office.


Just for fun:

The Montgomery County, Texas, Sheriff's Department became one of the first police agencies in the country to get its very own remotely piloted surveillance drone. At $300,000 it's a tad pricey in this economy, but so what? The police need it.

The SWAT team decided to have a photo op with the drone, which looked as if it was going to be a lot of fun.

Until the drone lost contact and crashed into the team's armored car.


And, finally, just to remind you there are Beautiful Things still in the world, check out this little photo spread featuring the splendor of Micaela Schaefer's breasts.

Probably a little childish...but then the recipient is a cockatrice trying to evole into a basilisk.

I've posted this before on this blog. It's from an old BBS back in the late 80s (the Stone Age of the Intertubes).

With the idiocy that has manifested itself in the embodiment of a POS known as Rush Hudson Limbaugh, especially due to his recent comment to Sandra Fluke and his hateful, derogatory remarks toward women, I decided a physical letter was in order. Since I couldn't formulate the vitriol properly (due to being totally pissed off) I am feeling toward this sub human who has fecal matter for brains, I remembered this old "Flame!"

To make me feel even better, I produced this on an actual typewriter (if you kids don't know what that is, ask your parents or google it) on a material known as "paper" to enjoy the full effect. Additionally, I enclosed it in a standard Manila envelope so I could place 45 two cent stamps on the thing, just for old tyme's sake.

If the spirit moves you, feel free to print it out and send a copy to that fat POS. 

You are an idiot.
 A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder you can remember to breathe. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with Teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out.
 On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it. Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are like that of the bird who keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker.
You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy; childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.
  You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious to the thousands of honest parasitic species.
  You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame. You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you.
  You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet.
  I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine.
  You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
  I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, and a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you stink? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease. You are a puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
   On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
  You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are.
  The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
Have a Great Day, Loser
  You are also hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-retarded.

Saturday, March 3

Jesus H. Xrist!

From the Huffington Post

The Wilmington City Council has a message for men -- sperm are people, too.
The council for Delaware's largest city passed a resolution by an 8-4 vote Thursday calling on the Delaware legislature, other state legislatures and the U.S. Congress to pass laws granting "personhood" rights to eggs and sperm. The resolution was authored by councilwoman Loretta Walsh as a protest in the current battle over women's health care access.
"[E]ach 'egg person' and each 'sperm person' should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government and be subject to the same laws and regulations as any other dependent minor and be protected against abuse, neglect or abandonment by the parent or guardian," says the resolution. "[L]aws should be enacted by all legislative bodies in the United States to promote equal representation, and should potentially include laws in defense of 'personhood,' forbidding every man from destroying his semen."
The vote came the same day that the U.S. Senate voted down an amendment that would have given employers the right to refuse any health care service to employees for moral reasons.
Walsh isn't the first lawmaker to introduce such a measure. Sen. Constance Johnson, a Democratic state senator from Oklahoma, introduced and later withdrew an amendment to a "personhood" bill that would have given zygotes the same rights as adults. "However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman's vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child," reads the amendment.
Other legislators have lodged similar protests. As the Virginia legislature considered a bill requiring women to undergo mandatory ultrasounds before abortions, state Sen. Janet Howell put forth an amendment mandating that men get a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test prior to being treated for erectile dysfunction. (The mandatory ultrasound bill has since passed the state Senate and the governor is expected to sign, albeit no longer requiring an invasive transvaginal ultrasound.) Georgia state Rep. Yasmin Neal introduced a bill vastly limiting vasectomies for men as a protest against an abortion bill in her state.
"What's good for the gander is good for the goose," said Walsh, according to The News Journal.

Related on HuffPost:

I think these fools mistake spem for semen. But if my guys are in store for legal "personhood rights" and my wife's eggs the same, the IRS is gonna owe us a damn nice return next year for tax dedutions for all our dependants!

BTW, gals, Oral sex may now be defined as cannibalism.
The natural "flow" of eggs monthly should automatically convict every woman who reaches that age.

But are priests exempted? Maybe Barry can give a special dispen-semen to them! I'm sure the Catholic Church will agree!

BUT. if I voluntarily give my guys to someone and that "person" doesn't allow them the "honor" of producing another "person" does that girl or guy get charged with murder, too?

And...can I leave my guys at the "Semen R Us Day Care Center" while I work? I'll drop them off every day. I'm sure they'll be well taken care of.

I imagine this was intended as a slam at Republicans. At least I hope so.

The "men" and some frigid "women" who support this maniacally insane thinking need to be locked away, sterilized (for women) and men made eunuchs.

The Golden Rule of the Right:
Do as I say, not as I do!

These nematodes who pass for Right(eous) Wingunt Politicians make the boys in black from the Third look positively sane!

They seem to be in a hurry to meet their god, let's not make them wait any longer.  

This country is turning into an even shittier version of the inquisition but it's not because of the liberals!

Friday, March 2

Concerned about Google invading your privacy for their monetary gain?

Anybody with a Gmail or Google account who may be worried (and rightly so) about their privacy and how Google plans to use all your web stuff should check this site out and make sure your web history is (supposedly) turned off.

Protect Your Privacy