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Saturday, March 5

Resetting the Bar

Earlier this week, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled, by an 8-1 margin, that the egregiously hateful, despicable and downright awful entity known as the "Westboro Baptist Church" has First Amendment protection for its homophobic rhetoric and its unspeakably evil penchant for picketing military funerals while waving signs reading God Hates Fags.

Well, maybe so. It's nice to see where the bar is set.

The Revved-Up Phred Phelps and his ricket-ridden, milky, gammy-handed family of things (seriously, Phred, you really shouldn't let relatives screw, you know?) aren't dead, which surprises me.

So ...

God hates Scott Walker, the Koch-sucking union hating Governor of Wisconsin.

God hates John Boehner, the orange skinned cocksucker who'd sell his own mother to a Port Said pimp if it'd help his golf game or line his pockets.

God hates Lindsey Graham, the prissy pussy-ass cracker motherfucker who wants people to believe he's a macho man, but is in actuality a mincing nancy boy.

God hates Glenn Beck, which is why Glenn is getting so incoherent that his rants don't even qualify as Beat poetry anymore. It's more like the ravings I've come to associate with people experiencing prolonged hallucinogen binges.

God hates Rush Limbaugh, or Rush might lose weight, lay off the drugs and stop jerking his micropenis to pictures of naked Caribbean boys.

God hates Ann Coulter, or he'd fulfill her dreams by increasing her weight and finding her a proper conservative man to treat her the way she wants to be treated - by beating her every time she dares open her mouth, and by keeping her in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.

God hates John McCain, or he wouldn't have saddled him with Sarah Palin.

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