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Thursday, December 2

The following is pure, adulterated fiction...

Johnny Boy McCain
1 Imaginary Rd.
Over the Rainbow, Az.

Father Tyme
169 Maple Drive
Somewhere, Here-on-earth

Dear, dear Johnny Boy,

I feel the patriotic need to congratulate you on flipping on your convictions concerning DADT. It’s not every day that someone of your stature can change his mind so readily after years of supporting something, but you took to that change like Rene Richards deciding on a new Tennis Outfit.
Like you, Johnny Boy, I too, am a manly man! Got no time for “those” who insult our manhood! Why, even during my all-expense paid vacation (courtesy of your good buddy Tricky Dick), I never saw one of “those” types there. And I’m sure during your service "those" types just never existed!
Now you want to study this thing everyone is talking about, this DADT repeal. Good for you. If there’s one thing we need, it’s a lot more studying…of everything, especially before these “snap” decisions are made (like repealing DADT) by people who never served.
Heck, that edict has been in effect for nearly 20 years and has worked out just fine; why change things now?
So, yep, you betcha, Johnny Boy. We need to re-study this DADT thing even if it takes a couple of years. It’s better to be sure of something, like that Iraq thing you supported, than to rush into it head-first (so to speak!) just because some unpatriotic Americans make a fuss.
But I’m writing this to you because something else bothers me, Johnny Boy. I’ve heard rumors “those” kind may be in other places, too. Mostly that doesn’t bother me too much (because I can avoid “them” and "their kind"), but what if there are some of “them” in Congress? Do you think “they” could have some kind of affect on the American way of life by being representatives or even senators? And I’m really concerned, not about you of course, because you’re a manly man too and wouldn’t be affected by “them.” But what happens if “they” can influence some of the younger members of Congress to pass or, Heaven forbid, repeal some of the laws we all know make us Red-Blooded Americans? Can we manly men allow “them” to start making laws? What will “they” pass next, maybe a law that allows them to teach our children, work in our hospitals, on Wall Street or the Movie Industry or even sneak into our churches to influence patriotic Americans (we all know what the really One, True Supreme Commander thinks of that!)?
I think you should chair a hearing to get more information on this. Maybe you could get Senator Lindsey Graham to co-chair it with you. You seem to work well with him. And over in the house, you have a number of friends who would love to help you out, bipartisan-wise. I understand you’re friends with Representative Barney Frank. I’m sure you would enjoy his input.
This isn’t a trivial matter, Johnny Boy. I certainly wouldn't waste your time when there are other pressing matters to worry about the deficit and unemployment and Social Security. And thanks for your stand against those wasteful entitlements, too!
I hope you understand the need to look into this before some of our American Boys in uniform are subject to those “others” trying to corrupt them on what you and I both know is just plain wrong.
I’m sure you’ll agree that if we shouldn't have “those kind” in the service fighting alongside our Blonde, Blue-Eyed, All-American Guys what would it say if “they” infiltrated our political system? And what better man to look for “them” than you? A man who makes his mind up and sticks to his convictions!

Thanks for the time, Johnny Boy. Here’s to “straightening out” Congress, hopefully starting with you!

Affectionately yours,

Father Tyme

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