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Friday, May 7

Obligatory Friday Sex Post

Despite its public persona as a state riven with Tea Partiers, meth labs, crotchety retirees and full-blown Know-Nothing antichoicers, Birthers, and kooks, Florida is actually quite a progressive state. We have a welcoming attitude toward all sorts of immigrants such as piranhas, Siamese walking catfish, Australian Melaleuca trees, kudzu, boa constrictors and pythons, for example.

We also have theme parks for people who want their exposure to culture emptied, steamed, whipped into a fondue, garnished with lark's vomit and spoon-fed to them.

Yes, Florida is a fairly nice place, and we place great stock in personal freedom. Which to some people, apparently, means the God-given right to have sex with animals.


Yes, indeed. Appalled by stories about people doing Da Nasty with dogs and goats, state legislators have attempted in the past to put a law on the books making this kind of activity a crime. You see, bestiality is not a crime in Florida - it's usually covered under "cruelty to animals" (although no one bothers to ask the goat).

So a law was put forward by State Senator Nan Rich, a Democrat, and it enjoyed widespread backing from both sides of the aisle in both houses.

You can guess what happened next.

You're right - the law failed to pass.

Now, to be fair, this had nothing at all to do with some GOP legislator standing up to defend the time-honored rural rite of passage known as stump-training. It had to do with two factors: The 'ick' factor which prevented it from being spoken of openly (children are allowed to view sessions of the Legislature in order to see professional-grade lying and malfeasance in action), and the fact that the law got buried in an omnibus agriculture bill.

But wait a moment, you say. That bill could have passed, right? Yeah, it could have, except that it showed up in one version of the bill, not in another, and somewhere between the two the entire matter died as the Florida House let the clock run out without taking up the agriculture bill, which killed the law for another year.

Florida - where it's unlawful for gays to adopt children, but where a man can become a professional goat-shagger.

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