The best healthcare money can buy

(The corrected version! Private bitch to Jason!)

Since December 2006, young Texas Teabagger Jimbob Longhorn, Jr. has had an unexplained medical condition.

Every morning he awakens with a strange orange coloring on his penis. What makes it curious is the condition doesn’t happen every morning. Sometimes there is more orange on his penis, sometimes less. This has been occurring for over three years.

Now Jimbob’s daddy is a U.S. Texas Legislator in Congress, so DaddyJimbob took Jr. to his favorite Right Wing doctor. After numerous tests, his perplexed doctor told DaddyJimbob that he was so baffled he should take young Jimbob to the Best Right Wing Diagnosticians in Texas. But he cautioned that it could cost a lot of money! DaddyJimbob said he’d do that because he had government healthcare and he didn’t have to worry about the cost.

Well, the Right Wing Medical Experts at the best Hospital/Research Center in Texas tried everything to find out what was causing little Jimbob, Jr.’s condition. Even stranger, when Jimbob, Jr was in the hospital, the condition was rare, bordering on non-existent. Finally, after months of tests in hospital and as an out-patient, getting no results, even they threw their hands up, totally puzzled.

A Congressional friend of DaddyJimbob told him that maybe it was time to get help from a higher source…the Lord. So DaddyJimbob took Jimbob, Jr. to the Reverend Dr. Dobson.

The Reverend Dr. Dobson called in all his acolytes, had numerous prayer meetings and vigils but couldn’t discover the reason for the orange coloring on Jimbob, Jr.’s penis. Exasperated, The Reverend Dr. Dobson, out of frustration, late one night called in a Catholic Priest thinking maybe an exorcism was required.

Father Donohoe performed the exorcism in the middle of a dark, stormy night and in the morning there was no trace of orange on Jimbob Jr.'s penis! Father Donohoe proclaimed Jimbob, Jr. cured. Happily, DaddyJimbob took is little heir home.
But to their surprise, the condition appeared the very next morning.

Totally frazzled now, with no idea what to do after spending millions of tax payer dollars to cure his son, DaddyJimbob talked to a Democratic friend from Congress. Of course, he did this on the sly because he didn’t want any of his Republican Teabagger friends to think he was a political traitor.

So DaddyJimbob met with Elite Leftist Dr. G at the Center for Disease Control where Elite Leftist Dr. G told him he’d do everything he could but given Jimbob, Jr.’s history, it might be fruiltless. Plus DaddyJimbob would have to leave his son overnight…alone. Nevertheless, DaddyJimbob said he’d do and pay anything to fix his son’s condition. So Elite Leftist Dr. G. took Jimbob, Jr. into the building for a series of tests.

Less than a hour later, Elite Leftist Dr. G. called DaddyJimbob and told him he discovered the problem!

An ecstatic DaddyJimbob rushed into Elite Leftist Dr.G.’s office anxiously asking what caused it. Looking at a slightly embarrassed Jimbob, Jr., Elite Leftist Dr.G. told DaddyJimbob that to cure the problem Jimbob Jr. would have to stop his nightly Cheetos eating while playing with his laptop…and masterbating.

Thank goodness for Elite Leftist Doctors.