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Saturday, July 19

Greetings From East Jesus

Dear readers.
This is a photo of our very own PeterofLoneTree taken this very a.m. as he departed East Jesus in his Chevy van. If any of you have ever had any doubts about his deep love of country you may now put them to rest.
So anyway, he proposed, I accepted. I'm enjoying my big-ass diamond, and looking forward to a long engagement. I've quit my job. There won't be time for it. The stress of planning a wedding can cause unsightly under-eye circles that can be difficult to mask even with the most excellent concealer, and I don't want to spend all my time and money on the perfect wedding day to end up looking like a raccoon, now do I?
Since both our parents are deceased and neither of us will be gainfully employed during the engagement, our best bet is to have friends that are rich as God and nearly as generous who insist on bringing over wheelbarrows full of money for our personal use. Peter and I feel this is what you'd call your ideal situation and we're looking for one!
Our children will obviously be of no use to us whatsoever. They don't even have wheelbarrows, let alone money to fill them. As irritating as it is, they have like, their own lives, on which they don't want to fitter away our rightful wedding funds.
Who will pay? All the bridal tutorials I've read put this in the most delicate of terms: "Consult with your friends to determine the financial support available to you." In other words, who's got what and how much of it can we get hold of? ( This is where y'all come in.)
We've got to have a photographer and a videographer nowadays, as still photos alone won't suffice: We gotta have movies of it all. We got to have music. We've got to have limos. We've got to have hotel rooms and all varieties of auxiliary activities for our out-of-town attendees. We've got to have presents for everybody in the wedding party. We've got to have invitations. And bartenders, candles, champagne, and yes, tips and taxes! You think the preacher or judge will work for free!
My god, I'm outta the mood now. Never mind.

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