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Wednesday, December 19

Pre-Christmas GOP Candidate Roundup

Okay, we're about to enter the so-called "holiest time of the year," so for all that's holy let's take a gander at the Pack of Poo-Flinging Monkeys (also known as the Republican candidates):

1. Michael Huckabee.
Governor-Reverend Michael Huckabee (like the title? Sort of like "Prince-Archbishop" - it's got that lovely medieval ring to it) went on local television in several key primary states to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Beautiful sentiments, but he's made a couple minor faux pas:
One, he specified the holiday, which as a supposed candidate for the Presidency of the United States, he really shouldn't do, as it will piss off a lot of people who either don't believe in his characterization of Immanence or view religion as a crutch; and
Two, a contrived cross appeared over his shoulder. It was part of a book case, but people will read into images. Now, whether or not you buy the campaign line that it was completely fortuitous (cough cough bullshit cough cough) or not, that was one white book case, and the image was quite luminous.
One need only look to such wonderful countries as Iran in order to see what happens when you weld religion and politics together. Huckabee's rival, Ron Paul, cited Sinclair Lewis about American fascism coming wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross, and it seems to be quite true. The aims of the GOP are matching more and more the 14 basic tenets of fascism. (And for those of you who accuse me of breaking Godwin's Law regarding the 'F' word - well, let's just say that I have a vocabulary and I intend to use every bit of it.)

2. Willard Romney.
Mittens countered by citing Huckster's 1033 pardons and commutations as Governor of Arkansas and his dearth of foreign policy experience. Well, Mittens, I'm not so sure that being Governor of Massachusetts gave you any more experience. Maybe it's because Huckleberry used words like negotiation and respect, which we know are anathema to the Hell-bent neocon foreign policy agenda.

3. Rudolph Giuliani.
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. Saw part of your internet Xmas spot, and you came across like Joe Pesci. Sad, boy, really sad. But then you're tanking in the standings, your corporate support is starting to look askance at you, and the scandals (9/11 radios, 9/11 aftermath, your shenanigans on the city dime, etc. etc. etc.) are starting to spread around.
Good-bye, Rudy. Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

4. Tom Tancredo.
The One-Note Wonder? Irrelevant. Doesn't stand a chance, not even in his home state, because he's turned into a geek. FYI, a geek was a circus side-show attraction who used to bite the heads off live chickens for the delectation of the crowds.

5. Ron Paul.
I might have liked Paul, but some of his views are getting rather odd (along with endorsements given to him by right wing hate groups). His tax ideas are probably complete codswallop, but I'll leave analysis of that to experts.

6. Alan Keyes.
I used to like Alan Keyes, but when a man spends half his alloted debate time arguing with the moderator it's time to wave bye-bye.

7. Fred Thompson.
The Dessicated Corpse touted his experience again. A lackluster Senator and a man Richard Nixon characterized as stupid - but he's an actor, which fills people with hope that Freddo's the reincarnation of Ronald Reagan.Not gonna happen, my fellow Republicans. When Thompson bothers to stir himself to actually campaign, crowds have to whipped into the room where they are forced to stay awake through repeated use of cattle prods. To say Thompson's "boring" is to insult Ben Stein and William F Buckley.

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