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Tuesday, July 10

Ass Prints* and Kicking the Can

*Aren't those "bench marks" too?

Yes, once again I'm going to talk about Iraq. So there.

Yesterday the Associated Press revealed a preview of a report to be made to the Congress on July 15th regarding the progress of Our Grand Imperial Military Adventure in Iraq (Phase #12,741) and the efforts of the Iraqi Puppet Government (excuse me, the al-Maliki regime) to meet the benchmarks the Congress set for it.

For those of you playing along at home, there were four primary benchmarks that included a law to equitably distribute the nation's oil revenues among the four major ethno-religious groups (Shiite, Sunni, Kurd and Turkmen).

To the surprise of virtually no one outside of Fox Bullshit, the Iraqi government has met not a single benchmark, and violence has actually increased since the escalation started. More Americans have died.

But not to worry, says Press Secretary Tony Snow.

Snow, who looks as if he needs a lobster bib to keep the secretions off his shirt, told reporters yesterday that the benchmarks were essentially meaningless and would have nothing to do with the progress (or lack thereof) of the escalation. Instead, he referred to it as a "snapshot of the starting line" for the so-called Surge.

Wipe the semen off your chin, Tony. Maybe you can use it to mousse your hair.

Back in the halcyon days of childhood there was a game called Kick the Can. It was really simple - all you needed was a can, and a good firm kicking motion. You kicked the can, followed it to where it came to rest, and kicked it again. Like many games, it was a pointless endeavor.

However, it's a perfect metaphor for the Bushite strategy in Iraq right now. Keep kicking the can down the road, setting new benchmarks, new goals and just hope that things go on as they are until Bush can leave office and deposit this flaming sack of dog poo into the lap of his successor.

Meanwhile, things are starting to unravel in Baghdad. Not swiftly, but at a glacial pace. Several cabinet members have voiced misgivings about a precipitous withdrawal of our troops (as if anyone's actually supporting such a move), while others have called upon the Iraqi public to arm themselves, a strong implied admission that the Iraqi Army and security forces are unable to keep the population safe.

They're not "standing up," George, so we should start considering Other Options.

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