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Friday, June 15

A Modest Proposal: Victims of the Oil Crisis Can be used as Fuel for the survivors

Instead of hearing a report from the National Petroleum Council which is now headed by Lee "Fat Bastard" Raymond, formerly of Exxon/Mobil at the latest Gas and Oil Exposition in Calgary, Alberta, two trickster political activist duped the attendees at the keynote luncheon.

"Without oil, at least four billion people would starve. This spiral of trouble would make the oil infrastructure utterly useless" -- unless their bodies could be turned into fuel.


After noting that current energy policies will likely lead to "huge global calamities" and disrupt oil supplies, Wolff told the audience "that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming the billions of people who die into oil," said a Yes Men press release.

Yes Man Mike Bonnano, posing as an Exxon representative named Florian Osenberg, added that "With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."

The impostors led growingly suspicious attendees in lighting Vivoleum candles made, they said, from a former Exxon janitor who died from cleaning a toxic spill. When shown a mock video of the janitor professing his desire to be turned in death into candles, a conference organizer pulled Bonanno and Bichlbaum from the stage.

Wow. Hilarious.

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