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Thursday, September 21

I Gotta Say Thanks

Thanks, that is, to Liz and the rest of the goils for resurrecting one of my favorite epithets from a bygone era: DOUCHEBAG. Yep. It was about 25 years ago that that particular insulting description worked its way through the Midwest. Note to readers: It was always pronounced "dooojbag" around here, said pronunciation seeming to lend itself to an even more critical evaluation.

But this reminds me of the time I walked into a bar in Chicago and had a seat at the bar, at which point I noticed there was only one other patron, and how shall I phrase this?--these are supposed to be "politically correct" times you know. Well, let's just say she was not blessed with fair features, she was overweight, and she looked like she needed a bath. So the bartender says to me, "What'll you have"? "Gimme a shot of Bushmills and a side of Guinness for a chaser", I replied. "And while you're at it, see if that douchebag down at the end of the bar will let me buy her a drink". "Heeeyyy, man; what's the matter with you", the bartender said, "you can't come in here and call my customers douchebags. You'll drive my business away and I'm just getting by as it is". Suitably castigated, I reflected on his words and feeling contrite, I said, "Yeah, you're right. I apologize. Well, see if she'll have a drink on me anyway". "Sure", he replied, and walking down to the woman he said, "The gentleman at the other end of the bar would like to buy you a drink. What'll you have"? And she said, "Gimme a vinegar and water".

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