GEE WIZ!

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Having a few drinks? Then, listen up! Think you've had one too many? Maybe it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home. It's sure safer and a hell of a lot cheaper than a DWI! Make the smart choice tonight. Don't drink and drive!"

No, you're not hallucinating. God didn't speak to you from the urinal.

That's the talking message that wizzing men will hear from the urinals in 100 drinking establishments in Nassau County, NY. I'm so proud of my county. We're so progressive in fighting DWI.

"The Wizmark replaces the plastic apparatus that holds a sanitizing soap puck at the base of a urinal. The Wizmark's built-in battery and microchip releases a recording that lasts through 10,000 flushes, although guys with spotty potty habits will learn that the Wizmark's motion-sensitive device doesn't require a flush to begin operating."

I can't wait to see the faces of guys coming out of men's rooms this summer. No, I can't wait to see how many guys run out of the rest rooms with wet pants.