Two words: Viagra & blindness.
Make whatever links you may to old fairytales about masturbation & ocular health, karmic retribution, NASCAR drivers, NASCAR fans, and the preponderance of filthy-rich old republicunts who snort that shit like they once snorted cocaine off of the breasts of 17-year-old wannabe models...
I await your punchlines.
Now, granted, people have actually been blinded, so before I am accused of mocking the vision-impaired, keep in mind that I'm speaking of punchlines in the METAPHORICAL SENSE. As in, we're not laughing at these specific people's pain. We're laughing at the demographic.