Several days late and a zillion dollars short

PENSACOLA: Man Convicted Of 'Antichrist' Slaying

Okay, this is NOT funny, but I have to admit that I was egotistical enough to be grabbed by the headline. One man was murdered and another permanently crippled, so, again, NOT funny. But it's a great headline, nonetheless.

NEW YORK: $241,000 Lap Dance Tab At Scores

Meet the lap dunce.

He's a married Internet mogul who ran up a $241,000 tab at Scores and then stiffed American Express on the bill - claiming it was more padded than one of the strip club's busty beauties, according to a lawsuit.

The interesting thing is, he's not the FIRST person to try to "welsh" on a massive Scores tab...

Bangladeshis dig the booty, too, apparently.

And Murkins are not exempt from the 'charms' of the Scores ladies, either...

Okay, so now we know why Howard left Alison... his part-ownership of the club obviously requires some serious in-depth organizational skills and a lot of long nights of hard work...

IN MUCH SHITTIER NEWS:

Mortuary delays frustrating to families

Apparently, if you lost a family member in the New Orleans Convention Center or Superdome during the Katrina genocide, they're now saying that it could be three months to two years before you learn what happened to their bodies/remains. Three months to two years.

And yes, you can betcher ass, FEMA is who's the cause of this clusterfuck.

Even when you're dead, this administration is still fucking you.

MORE SHITTINESS:

Remember when I mentioned how Gov. Haley Barbour is a flaming fucktard of a moron?

People in Biloxi are still living on what's left of their front porches, with no running water, sewerage, or even shelter from the mosquitos or the weather. But Haley's running around like Aunt Pitty-Pat, all a-fluster that anybody would question his "skills" and trying to holler that "Everything's okay, y'all, really, it's alllll okaaaayyyy!!!"

Y'know, unless you're POOR in Mississippi, which is, y'know, MOST of Mississippi.

DO NOT LET THIS COCKSUCKER MAKE IT TO THE 2008 CONVENTION.


AND IN LESS SHITTY NEWS:

Phil Harvey, Founder of Adam & Eve porn dynasty, spends his golden years preventing AIDS and STDs in Asia

Just how many condoms do his programs distribute?

"That's easy," he says, tapping at his computer. "Just a sec. Okay, here it is: 364,741,409. That's for last year. We also distributed just under twenty-three million cycles of pills, plus injectibles and IUDs."

Phil is my new hero. I wish that I had known this about Adam & Eve YEARS ago... just IMAGINE the revenue that I could've thrown their way!!!

Okay, kids, that's the haps from here, and if you've got a hankering for porn, toys or assorted adult entertainment, GO TO http://www.adameve.com/default.asp !!!

(They've even got HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!!!)

(And yes, I'll probably have something more creative after Halloween... and pictures, too!)