Search This Blog

Friday, September 30

To Surrogate With Love

Why I'm in Love with Bill Maher and want to have his love child.

New Rules--by Bill Maher

To all the conservative women out there: If you're so sure the embryos needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be destroyed, then implant one in your uterus and bring it to term. That's right, put your cervix where your mouth is.

Right now in America, there are thousands of stem cells sitting in fertility clinics that are not allowed to be used for research, will be destroyed after a year or two, and could be right now implanted in a lady's hoo-hoo to make a screaming, mewling infant that would ironically make you sorry you were ever born.

Here's how far back along the chain of life stem cells are: They're called stem cells because they haven't even decided what kind of cells they're going to be, so it's very close to declaring that life begins when you're just thinking about fucking somebody. Which is just about how most right-wing prudes like george bush would like it. This is, after all, an administration that absolutely hates Planned Parenthood--but then again, judging by Iraq, they hate planned anything.

Did you know that our president spent the entire month before 9/11 on his ranch, working on the stem cell issue, trying, as he said, to bridge the worlds of ethics and science? Seriously, could there be anything george bush knows less about than ethics and science?

Here's something that may be life: a tiny speck of subatomic goo. Here's something that is life. Michael J. Fox. One is invisible to the naked eye, the other was in Back to the Future.

With stem cell research properly funded, scientists believe we could do everything from curing Parkison's to regenerating spinal cord tissue in Democrats.

So, ladies of the right, what do you say? There are thousands of extra embryos sitting around in fertility clinic freezers all over America right now, just waiting for a good home. So if you're not gonna finish those eggs, come on, go ahead, knock yourself up.