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Saturday, July 30

How about a contest?

Inspired by cabana boy's silly post below, I wrote a some bad opening sentences to bad novels.

Faith based medicine: A parent's dream or nightmare?
While abstinence is certainly a parent's ideal wish for their teenage offspring, if they reminisce about that awkward teenage situation in the back seat of their future father-in-law's cigar smoked car and ended up doing that which is forbidden by god almighty himself, even though it started out innocently enough (as a mere blow job), and the subsequent forced marriage by shotgun to a once dream lover who turned out to be anything but, are sadly reminded that it's pure folly to believe that their precious angels who took the 'virginity until marriage' pledge won't end up following in their own dismal footsteps.

Dick Sanitorium's Dilemma
"I'm not apologizing to that fat fuck in Massachusetts" spewed the shaking senatorial, frothy mix of fecal matter and lube, visibly upset by the public and indignant request for an apology for declaring what he knows is true: Liberalism is what allows priests to enjoy a near Pompeiian lifestyle; "Liberalism is what made ME homosexual," sweat was now pouring from his brow, red and swollen with veins he hadn't popped since his altar boy days, "If I have to pretend to be righteous, catholic AND heterosexual, then I will use all my power to see to it that all homosexuals are put back in the closet where they belong, so help me God!"

"Time's up, Senator. You'd better see me again tomorrow," winced Dr. Seymour Cohen, psychiatrist and sex therapist for the US Senate.

It sucks! Wanna try it? Pick a topic in the news, a stupid politician or a stupid government policy and write your best worst opening sentence to an essay or novel. Loser Winner gets a prize from the blondesense activist active-wear shop. Judging will be done by blondesense writers, if we don't end up not speaking to each other.

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