Jesus Hates Rides

Planning Your Christian Summer Vacation
Christian Theme Parks and More


It's time to get with the program and learn all about our Christian roots. You can't live in a proper theocracy without knowing what it's all about, now can you? Forget NY this summer. We only have that blasphemous Museum of Natural History. It's no wonder we were attacked by Al Qaida and cursed by the influx of so many homosexuals and foreigners. But I digress.

MT. BLANCO FOSSIL MUSEUM, Crosbyton, Texas: Learn how ancient Texans roamed the earth with gigantic mammoths and dinosaurs. Won't you join in the fun? This wonderful attraction sponsors dinosaur digs around the country and invites interested parties to participate in digging up mammoths in Texas.

Old Joe Taylor, the curator, found the Lord during his fossil studies and his "museum" boasts that it is: "...a scientific and educational institution dedicated to a correct interpretation of Earth history and fossil remains. We believe that the fossil record speaks of catastrophic events happening several thousand years ago rather than slow processes taking place over millions or billions of years as is held by the popular establishment." You can buy both real and fake fossils at the museum. There are no rides.

Dinosaur Adventure Land, Pensacola Florida
The place where Evolution Stinks!
"Since 2001 Dinosaur Adventure Land has been a place where families can come to learn about God's Creation through science and the bible. DAL is comprised of a 3 story Science Center, Creation Museum, and Theme Park... Our goal is to win souls to Christ, by giving everyone another choice. You can believe that you came from a rock, or you can believe that a loving God created you for a purpose. "

The ride situation: Test your balance after riding the "Circle Swivel Springasaurus", "Rubberband Shoot", "Swamp Swing", "Trampoline". Then there's video watching, book reading, and coloring.

The British Are Joining In the Fun Too! A Christian Theme park in Yorkshire is being planned where Disney meets the Bible featuring a lifesize Noah's ark! Wow!

The greatest theme park of all for Christians is in Orlando, Florida, of course.
The Holy Land Experience beckons you with all sorts of exhibits, but I want to go there for the cuisine. A Jaffa Hot Dog, a Goliath Burger, (both served with fries) a healthy Centurian Salad, or how about a Tabgha Tuna Sandwhich with a pickle spear? Yum. I didn't even know that they had tuna in Tabgha! It is an ancient miracle. Roman centurians roam around the park to thrill the ladies.

A fabulous new exhibit, "A day in the life of a Monk" will be sure to thrill the kids! A large archway ushers you into the life of the monk. The monk's life was marked by diligence, prayer and study! Your kids will be thanking you for years to come.

At Eastertime, there's a thrilling nighttime experience called "Pilate's Verdict". See Christ's riveting trial before Pilate, walk with Jesus to Calvary, watch him be crucified and see his glorious resurrection like no one has ever seen before. While you walk the streets of the "Holy Land", a cast of dramatists will act out many of the spectacular events that happened in Palestine 2000 years ago. The realism is striking. There were no rides in Jerusalem except donkeys. You must walk at this theme park. As Jesus did.

Earmark this for next year's vacation:
Creation Museum Coming soon to Kentucky but near Cincinnati.
"Explore the wonders of creation. The imprint of the Creator is all around us. And the Bible’s clear—heaven and earth in six 24-hour days, earth before sun, birds before lizards. Other surprises are just around the corner. Adam and apes share the same birthday. The first man walked with dinosaurs and named them all! God’s Word is true, or evolution is true. No millions of years. There’s no room for compromise." The stargazers room is the big attraction. You can witness that there was NO big bang!

WOW Inspirational Cruises
"The Stand To Reason" Cruise from Seattle To Alaska: Travel with like-minded Christians such as yourselves: "How would you like to spend a week aboard one of the finest ships in the sea, cruising the Alaskan coast, surrounded by some of the brightest minds and skillful teachers in the world of Christian thought, dramatically expanding your abilities as an effective ambassador for the Lord? Sound like a dream? Not anymore." Sign me up, Scotty!

Faith and Nascar: Now if you need to watch mighty machines dedicated to the service of the Lard race around the track towards the light, you will be happy to know that Sunday Morning Chapels are held on race days. Nascar is a faith based sport where your children can watch faith in action.

Christian Camping International: Want to send the kiddies off to christian boot camp? Look no more. There is a website listing great summer camps for children of faith led by the finest leaders who serve in outdoor ministry!

Bet ya can't wait to pack your bags, can ya?