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Friday, March 18

With a financial, educational, insurance, health care, traffic, infrastructure disaster that is Texas, the Texas Legislature has decided to address the real problems of life in Texas: Sexy Cheerleaders.

"AUSTIN - The Friday night lights in Texas could soon be without bumpin' and grindin' cheerleaders.

Legislation filed by Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, would put an end to 'sexually suggestive' performances at athletic events and other extracurricular competitions.

'It's just too sexually oriented, you know, the way they're shaking their behinds and going on, breaking it down,'said Edwards, a 26-year veteran of the Texas House. 'And then we say to them, 'Don't get involved in sex unless it's marriage or love, it's dangerous out there,' and yet the teachers and directors are helping them go through those kind of gyrations.'

Under Edwards' bill, if a school district knowingly permits such a performance, funds from the state would be reduced in an amount to be determined by the education commissioner."

Where has this public service giant been in the past 26 years? I graduated from a Texas high school 25 years ago and they were a bumping and a grinding then. Does Edwards not know that a high kick over the heads of these small town Rockettes is sexually suggestive? Their uniforms which they are allowed to wear on game days don't meet the dress code for the rest of the student body.

But this nonsense got more coverage than the education bill that passed.

Which brings me to why we are having congressional hearings on steroids in baseball. Steroids are illegal now. Arrest the players that use them. Don't have that baseball giant, all-American hero, Mark McGuire crying before Congress saying like he is in the midst of a McCarthyesque witch hunt that he will not name names of teammates and friends.

I am so touched. Why in the wide, wide world of fouled American politics, with Social Security lies, the budget deficit issue, the police action in Iraq, nukes in Korea, Iran, and perhaps coming to a dirty bomb in a town near you, are we having hearings on criminal behavior by overpaid, over exposed, millionaire whiners in Congress. Unless stupidity loves company, I can't see why.

The disconnect between Washington and the rest of us, between celebrity and the rest of us, between Austin and our schools is disorienting and deliberate. The unnatural forms of these pampered men, in clothes most Americans could never afford, shocked me. They look so small on the field and they looked so silly pointing fingers in the faces of Congress members who compelled the ball players' testimony. Ted Williams didn't look like that. Hell, Pete Rose didn't look like that. I don't believe that these guys' bodies, which look like the Govenator's body, got that way through clean weight lifting and a good breakfast cereal.

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