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Tuesday, March 22

Wiley Enters; Delay Exits

by Pissed Off Patricia

Coyote Behavior (Link)
"One of the most adaptable animals in the world, the coyote can change its breeding habits, diet and social dynamics to survive in a wide variety of habitats. Alone, in pairs or in packs, coyotes maintain their territories by marking them with urine."

Last week Tom Delay needed to rehabilitate his reputation. Just like in cartoons, he had run right off the cliff and was frozen in time as he realized what he had done and what was about to happen to him. Quickly he called the Acme Company and ordered a kit. This kit arrived and it contained Terri Schiavo's body along with a pair of gloves. In his haste, Delay failed to notice the condition of the gloves. Delay was able to hook Schiavo's body over the edge of the cliff. Then he put on the gloves so he could hold onto Schiavo's body to pull himself up. But, just like all Acme kits seen in cartoons, this one backfired on Delay. The gloves that came with the kit were slippery. As soon as Delay put on the gloves and grasped onto Schiavo's body, he discovered the slippery gloves were making it impossible for him to hold onto her body for very long. He realized that he was rapidly slipping and was going to fall. He realized that he was going to fall at least 70% of the way down to the bottom and at that point he would have a 30% chance of grabbing the hand of an evangelical to stop his fall. It was about this time that someone yelled to him, "It serves you right. No human being should ever use a woman who is in a permanent vegetative state solely for his own personal gains." Tom looked up to see who had made that statement. Above him he saw a man dressed in a black judicial robe. Above this man's head was a cartoon bubble. Inside the bubble were the words, "Beep, Beep!"

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