Getting Out of The Slammer

Well finally. Martha is getting out of the slammer. Why in the hell did they go after this women in the first place? Insider trading? Right. It's was just plain unfair. She's rich. Rich people, they talk to other rich people. So what? Yeah, the talk about rich "stuff," like stocks and bonds, and which island to buy.

The Neo-Cons had it in for the woman. She didn't really do anything wrong. Everybody does that insider trading. Broke people do it, too, just on a different level. Hey, we all got hookups. One of the Tammy's has a kuz'n who works for Wal-Mart. She calls Tammy all the time. "Girl, don't buy that today. It's going on sale tomorrow. Two for one, it's gonna split."

Basically, Martha went to prison for talking to the feds. So much for your cooperating with the authorities. Now, what have we learned? Don't say a damn thing without your lawyer present. I wouldn't give a rip if a sleeper cell was living next door to me; I wouldn't tell the government about it unless Johnnie Cochran was standing beside me. I think that little kiss-ass, big-mouth broker, Peter Bacanovic, is the one who called, alerting her that the Waksals were selling their stock. "Yeah, baby, thanks for the tip. It saved me thousands and it got me time in the slammer."

The trial was a witch hunt. Prosecutors brought out testimony of Martha "yelling" at people on the phone, trying to make it seem that Martha wasn't a "nice" woman. What the hell does that have to do with the charges? Do you think for a Missouri moment they would have done this if she had a penis? Stewart is a powerful woman; she probably does yell from time to time.She's the boss Queen too. Donald Trump yells at somebody every damn week on national television and fires them too. Chit, we love it.

They sacred Martha to death. During that season entire companies come out of hibernation just to teach the public how to lie to the government. But do we prosecute them? Hell no. See, I think they went after Martha because they were pissed off about all the things she can make out of everyday items that they can't. I know Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh wouldn't have a clue what to do with a skein of maple weaver's yarn/ But should Martha have be reviled and punished because she can make a damn quilt, a hammock, and truss turkey out of the same skein? I think not. Maybe I'm just starting to identify with rich women more these days. I used to identify only with poor women. Thank Gawd money cured me of that sickness.

My advice to anybody thinking about committing a federal offense: Do it quickly. Get locked up in Camp Cupcake. You know it's going to be nice. They place is all spruced up now. That woman could figure a way to break you out if you got bored. That woman can make anything. And it won't be any of that nasty, tunneling-your-way-out, ruining-your-cloths shit. Martha will have you walking out of there clean and neatly pressed.

By Missouri Mule
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Missouri Mule, an ardent follower of the Martha Stewart philosophy poses in front of her recently remodeled bathroom. Coming soon, photos of the Pompeii style mosiacs over the throne.