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Friday, September 24

Learning To Kill for Dummies

Hey guess what we paid for? A video game put out by the US Army marketed to kids from 13-21 so that they will want to join the army and kill people. Well actually only 41% of the game simulates actual combat and the rest teaches army values.

Maybe they can take those recruiters off the high school campuses and send them to fight for my big fat ass in the middle east since over 16 million kids have already downloaded the game from the internet and kids will be signing up in droves.

What is more manly and empowering than learning how to kill? It doesn't matter that the game glamorizes killing and combat because it is a recruiting tool. Recruiters always bend the truth anyway. So what if kids sign up, go to a bushwar and then find out that combat isn't all that fun and glamorous and that killing people isn't all it's cracked up to be? They got you and they own your ass.

There are a few minor differences between the game and real life:
  • In the game, you have unlimited ammo unlike the real war in Iraq where there is an ammo shortage
  • The game isn't really gory enough to simulate real combat.
  • In real life the paid contractors get the good body armor and the armored vehicles. In real life the army dudes get vietnam flakjackets if available and sand bags are used to armor army dude's vehicles assuming they don't get stuck in the sand and blown up.
  • In the game you take orders from military commanders and not paid contractors.
  • Your commander in chief is a nincompoop in real life.
  • You can't put real combat on pause to use the potty.
  • You won't get VD in the game.
  • And don't forget kiddies in real life, if you die, you're dead. No do-overs. No extra lives.

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