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Saturday, June 5

Heartbreaking Ballad Paralyzes Trucking Industry

This is so amazing. As some of you know I am a singer/songwriter. It's always been my goal to write the most heartwrenching song known to man/womankind that would literally stop the world and make it cry. It seems that someone has already done it. My hat is off.
NASHVILLE, TENN—The interstate trucking industry, already beset with rising fuel prices and a shortage of qualified workers, was dealt another blow last month, with the release of the agonizingly sorrowful country ballad "She's Gone Back To What She Calls Home," by Cole Hardin.

"At any given time, day or night, an estimated 45 percent of the nation's over-the-road truckers are idling on the shoulder, in waysides, or in truck-stop parking lots, listening to Mr. Hardin's ballad of infidelity, loss, and heartbreak,"

"'Scuse me a moment," Knutson said. "Sorry, but I must've gotten something in my eye just then."

Last week, the Department of Transportation reported business volume down 60 percent, manifest damage up 9 percent, and worker productivity down across the board, as drivers complain of heartache, loneliness, and the she-ain't-never-comin'-back-again blues.

"Unfortunately, country-radio stations nationwide have 'She's Gone Back' in heavy rotation," NTSB spokesman Howard Stivoric said. "The steel guitar's wail invokes that cold, hard, lonely road she's taking back to where her heart'll stop breaking, and, well, that makes anyone who hears it want to turn right around and get on back to where they came from. For a country that transports 85 percent of its perishable goods by truck, a heartbreaking ballad like this one is bad news."

Due to the song's popularity, the average trucker is spending as many as 3 hours per day sitting motionless in the breakdown lane. Travelers on the nation's highways are growing accustomed to seeing dozens of semis pull over to the side of the road whenever the song is played.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can only hope and pray that my songs would stop world progress someday. [sniff] In the meantime, here are some soundclips to some of my songs that may or may not wrench your heart...
Teenage Vegetable-MP3
PreMenstrual Blues - Real Audio
More BlondeLemonPledge Soundclips

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