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Monday, June 21

a day in the life

I'm awake really early because it was cool last night and I didn't need the air conditioner. The damn birds woke me up before 5am. If it's not the birds, it's the neighbors dogs. I think they are running a kennel over there. If it's not the birds or the dogs, it's the automatic sprinklers. As soon as the water goes on, I have to pee. Such is life in suburbia. I didn't get the Newsday or the WSJ from the curb yet as I am still in my jammies. I don't know what kind of crap the world is up to yet.

Did I ever mention that I live in a cartoon episode? It's surreal. It's several different cartoon episodes all laced together too. I should put a Warner Bros logo on the peak of my house.

The underlying drama is always the cat vs mouse show which I will tell about this morning. I'm the lady in the episode where you only see her legs and hear her voice. We have these teeny tiny leetle meeses that are smarter than god himself here. Their mouse holes are literally undetectable to the human eye. Not to the cat's eyes though. Picture my white persian cat napping on his victorian tapestry sofa (it's his because no one else can sit on it unless they want to be covered with fur) and suddenly one of his eyes opens. It looks around. Then the other eye. The tiger cat's ear flinches... then her head perks up too. In a split second the 2 cats, normally arch enemies, become allies in the great war that takes place daily in the nether-regions of this sprawling suburban ranch home.

The cats stalk the meeses for hours on end by crouching, aiming in one position, pointed towards their prey, unflinching, not breathing... staring at the closet underneath the kitchen sink where all the mouse traps are. Sometimes they stare at the baseboard heating. These meeses are smart. They can gingerly eat the cheese without setting the traps too.... sometimes. After several hours of stalking the meese, the cats eat their din din and the meese come out, grab a piece of cheese, take it back to their hole and the cats go back to sleep. This happens every single day.

This past weekend we did catch 3 meese via traps. The cats got 0. They are 2 for 5. I am thinking of firing them.

The cast of characters:
White Persian Cat (male): The Cat Formerly Known as Prince (sometimes Tom)
Tabby Cat (female): Tiger (sometimes Sylvester)
Mouse 1: Jerry (sometimes Ralph)
Mouse 2: Jerry (sometimes Alice)
Mouse 3: Jerry (sometimes Trixie)
Mouse 4: Jerry (sometimes Norton)
That's all folks!

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