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Sunday, May 16

Shocked Senators Subjected to Porn for Hours

Satire(quotes are real): One hundred duly elected US Senators gathered to watch hundreds of pictures of prisoner abuse from Abu Ghraib prison. Many of the photos showed naked penises. We don't call it the American Penal System for nothing. Homo-erotic torture of male prisoners kept the Senators squirming in their seats looking straight ahead with an occassional furtive glance toward the lap of another Senator.

Oregon Senator Ron Wyden said: “I expected that these pictures would be very hard on the stomach lining and it was significantly worse than anything that I had anticipated." I think he means that more than his stomach lining was affected. Nevertheless he took a swig out of a bottle of Maalox that was being passed around.

“Almost everybody was naked all the time.” This is one of the perks of being a Senator.

Other Senators remarked, “There were several pictures of Iraqi women who were disrobed or putting their shirts up." Some shots showed Iraqi women commanded to expose their breasts. They also said that this was the only way that our stressed out soldiers could re-enact their carefree spring break days at Ft Lauderdale. There was something titillating about playing "Girls Gone Wild" with those prudish Iraqi women. Quick! Take pictures! Senator Lieberman, gathered up the remains of his Joe-memtum and attempted to lighten up the group quirking, "It just deepens the conclusion that this was a cell block that had gone wild." That's right Mr. Lieberman. That's all it was. We see this stuff on late night infomercials back in America all the time.

Thank Allah, “They were not smiling in the pictures, that’s for sure. But it didn’t look like they had been beaten or hurt,” another Senator remarked relieved that this only amounted to soft core porn and not torture.

“I don’t know how the hell these people got into our army,” said Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell, from Colorado. Another Senator reminded Ben that they were recruited. You know how the recruiters stalk high schools across America looking for boys and girls who want a glamorous career seeing the world and getting college money.

“It was pretty disgusting, not what you’d expect from Americans,” said Senator Norm Coleman. Hey Norm, we're not in Kansas anymore but thanks for your comment. Fortunately, most of the rapes of Iraqi women and men were handled by highly paid mercenaries who, thanks to the forward thinking CIA, are above the law, and are not all Americans. whew!

The Senators were also treated to some consensual porn videos. Pte Lynddie England, of trailer park, West Virginia engaged in sex acts with other US soldiers for the video camera, some senators told news reporters. They were relieved that it was consensual sex on one hand but saddened that it lacked much of homo-erotic zing of her dominatrix photos. Senators like that stuff.

With the 37 cases of rape reported from the front by female GI's, it would be just appalling if any of these were actually video taped and in the hands of the American public. On the other hand, hundreds of sexy female US soldiers had to leave Iraq due to pregnancy because they too needed to blow off a little steam.

“She [England] was having sex with numerous partners. It appeared to be consensual,” said one very relieved senator who was able to enjoy this part of the presentation with our own little Lynddie England as the star. Another Senator was very relieved that they were not doing it with their clothes on. Yep, they were nekkid. “There was lots of sexual stuff – not of the Iraqis, but of our troops,” giggled another Senator recalling his younger days when a gang bang in the frat house was a great stress reliever.

blowjob for a dolla?


Sadly, Iraq is no Thailand. There are no Asian beauties awaiting our troops. The Iraqi's weren't geared up in advance for the influx of US GI's who would greatly "Stimulate" their economy as our troops are historically known to do when they reach port. The Senators agreed that luckily some of our most patriotic female US troops are more than willing to donate their services to our boys.

All in all the Senators, the moral bastions of our society who never have sex with anyone except for pro-creation, were feigning disgust while secretly pleased that they didn't have to pay to see these and other such photos on American porn websites.

Many Senators sat back and had a cigarette after the show recalling the glory days of the Bill Clinton Inquisition.

No one brought up the subject of how all the Iraqi porn ended up on pay for porn websites though.

Pte England went on American television yesterday in a bid to defend herself. She said she was following orders when commanded to appear in photographs. Is the US Government running a porn ring? oy vay.

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