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Tuesday, April 20

Today's Bible Lesson

There is much talk about the bible lately and especially since our Lord President gets his inspiration and morality from the bible and through prayer with the god of the bible, it is only fitting that from time to time I visit the bible in my blog. You say, "Who the f**k are you, you ditzy blonde to tell me about the bible?" Well I say, "No one really but I know a few things about the bible.. well I probably know more than you so pay attention!" *

If you actually read and study the Bible, you will find that god is a flip flopper just like our beloved president. God in the bible is really quite human and prone to temper flares, revenge, jealousy, hatred, retribution and sometimes mercy if you are on his good side. Interestingly we find that some characters in the bible are punished for being good and some people get away with murder for being bad... and these are the characters that god likes!

Now don't get me wrong, the bible is a cool ancient book to read and study to understand the mind set and customs of ancient people in a certain time and place and their relationship to their god. The people today who try to live by the bible are understandably f**ked up by this because the god of the bible is so very wishy washy and contradicts himself as to what exactly one has to do to please this god who seems to need constant flattery. Bible christians explain however that the bible is infallible somehow and is the literal word of god because the bible says it is so. Figure that one out.

Bible stories are used to teach children about right and wrong and how god will punish naughty children. Let's look at this story:
King James Version, Second Kings 2:23-24
23: And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up that way, there came forth little children of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; Go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood and tare forty and two children of them.

This story of course reinforces to all children in ages to come that god will in fact punish you if you call someone a name. This is a wonderful story to tell your children to get them to tow the line. It threatens that wild animals will tear them to bits for calling a man "bald". It also teaches children that if someone calls you a name that you can ask god to smite the name caller. Think of the ramifications of this story!

Now let's visit Extreme Bible Stories and watch the flash video of this wonderful Bible Story! Show it to your children and teach them that god will in fact kill you in you say anything bad to someone else.

Praise and flatter the Lord. Amen.

* BlondeSense holds an MA in theology.

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