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Wednesday, January 11

New Hampshire


Well-Dressed 2x4 Wins with Less than Forty Percent; Dotty Grandpa comes in Second, Boring Guy Gets Third; Death Struggle Between Degenerate Troll and Horse-Faced Hypocrite for Fourth

Yes, the New Hampshire Presidential primary is over.

Mitt Romney won - but of course he had to; the Granite State was his backyard. If he lost in NH, he might as well go to Salt Lake City and hang up his Magic Mormon Underwear. But with 95% of the vote counted, he's only got 39.4%. Not a good showing.

Still, he's the first Republican since Gerald Ford to win both Iowa and New Hampshire, so that's got to count for something. We have to remember that Ford lost, though.

Ron Paul lived up to his supporter's faith in him as America's Blithering Grandfather and showed a strong second, about ten percentage points behind Romney.

John Huntsman posted third, and I believe one guy felt his speech was greeted with a decided lackluster amount of enthusiasm.

That left Newton Gingrich and Rick Santorum duking it out for the fourth-place position. That's not even a podium finish, guys, and only about 200 votes separate you two. Pathetic, even more than usual.

Rick Perry? You ask.

Do I have to?

::sigh:: Okay.

Perry got 1709 votes, managing a sick fifth (if we assume that The Newt and Frothy Mix are statistically tied at fourth). But like a scabies infection or a case of herpes, Perry refuses to go away.

On to South Carolina, and we see just how much damage the Palmetto State can inflict on Mitt Romney's doomed campaign.

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