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Friday, June 24

Tin Foil Hat Tyme?

Curious thought. Other than Ted Kennedy, who was rather elderly anyway, how many Senators and/or Representatives have died in office recently? Recently is subjective but I’ll go back, say 30 years to St. Ronnie.

Not only that, but how many have been force to resign or take extended leaves because of health problems? Take your time. Think about it. Interesting thought, eh, hosers? I’d wager a goodly sum you could definitely count the number on both hands and maybe even one hand.

So what’s this mean? Well, that’s where the foil comes in (gotta make sure the fit is snug!). The possibilities are few. Are these older men who drink and smoke and eat like members of the Roman Senate then head for the mythical “vomitorium” all in fan-damn-tastic shape? Is their health care THAT much better than what passes for the common man? Or is there something even more suspicious?

If you look at the demographics for working men, you’ll find large disparities in their health. Coal miners, factory workers and such tend to not live as long because of the environment in which they exist.

White collar types tend toward heart related diseases and deaths. More because of mental than physical working conditions?

The endangered housewife is slowly catching up to the sicknesses that once plagued their working husbands. Too many bon-bons in the afternoon watching soaps? (Just kidding gals!)

We’ve all heard how tough it is to be a Yuppie, a broker, MBA or one of those fat asses whose choice of avocation supposedly causes tremendous stress, or more than us peons – enough to sicken and kill them.

Then we have the increase in diseases and allergies and other maladies going around like Swine flu, SARS, measles, mumps, STDs (ever notice Congress doesn’t even seem to suffer from those despite their preoccupation with ways to get them?); even the common cold doesn’t seem to affect our glorious leaders.

Watching someone like Bonner or Barry who smoke like an old coal power plant or trying to match eating habits with the likes of the Metabolismic Challenged Jersey barrier, Chris Christie, you gotta wonder how these monuments to excess continue to stay alive.

Is it possible there’s some kind of magic elixir given to these politicians?

Hey, add the bigwig CEOs and their ilk to the discussion. Ken lay supposedly died of a heart attack…and I hit the Power Ball for 29 cents! Not many other really big business execs succumb to the illnesses we proles are fortunate enough to receive.

It would seem to me that being a Congressional Politician or President for that matter would be more stressful and take more of a toll on these people than 99% of other jobs, yet they seem immune from the shit that sickens and kills us. Inquiring, soon to be senile, minds want to know.

I’m guessing they stay healthy because of really swell, publicly paid for health care and if something comes along to make them sick, the Capitol Alchemists open their secret boxes and administer a "not-for-public-consumption" magic elixir that makes all the bad stuff go away.

Hell, when you really think about how these guys stay in such fine health, this could be a better conspiracy theory than who shot JFK or who really knocked down them there buildings in NYC.

If the answer to these questions is that they just get better health care than us po’folk, then maybe us’ns need to do something about making sure we ALL get the same care these parasites get. Either that or accept that they are much more valuable than any of us and just get on with dying!

Anyway, think about it the next time you get sick or someone you know gets sick or dies unexpectedly. It’s nice to know that our Congressional Petri Dishes are being well taken care of one way or another so they can continue to smoke, drink, over eat and make those tough decisions that affect the rest of us and our lives.

‘scuze me. One of the antennae on my hat seems to be drooping. Anyone got any Duct Tape?

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