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Friday, May 13

Pity the Republicans


Yes, I wrote that.

After the unveiling of the Paul Ryan Budget that would essentially eviscerate Medicare and Social Security, once and for all labeling the GOP as the Party that Broke the Social Contract, the House GOPers went traipsing off to their constituencies to crow about their accomplishment.

Much to their surprise, their appearance was greeted with all the cheer of the arrival of the tax man.

It seems that the old fogies in the Tea Party who spearheaded the 2010 campaign from the security of their government-funded scooters don't like the idea of the Evil Gummint messing about with Medicare. Several House Republicans cut their appearances short or ran away from the topic like whipped curs. In Alan West (R-South Florida Fucking Crazy)'s district a local radio reporter was actually arrested for asking this asshole a question. But we have to remind ourselves that West is known for war atrocities and has the Outlaws motorcycle gang as allies, so his behavior isn't all that amazing.

In any event, the Left blogosphere and the Democrats have wasted little time in hanging this albatross around the Elephant's neck. Good for them, I say.

But this isn't all we have to pity the Republicans for.

Mittens Romney held forth about his Massachusetts health care plan, saying basically that we should all just forget that it's very much like the Affordable Care Act (even down to the individual mandate, that Mittens now says is unconstitutional). All of the right-wing media have been piling on poor Willard the past few days about this - it appears that the usual level of rank hypocrisy has been exceeded by Romney.

And hey! Hey! Romney's Massachusetts plan also provides for abortions! The ACA doesn't (because of the Hyde Amendment, of course). That's another thing to bash him over the head with. So much, then, for Romney becoming the nation's first Mormon President, at least at this stage of the game.

Newton Gingrich tossed his semen-smeared hat into the ring this week. He said that if he didn't run in 2012 he'd be a "fraud" - hoping we'll all forget, I guess, that it was ethics violations that got him run out of his Speakership like a poison mushroom. Newt, you're supposed to know history. The last Speaker to become President was James K. Polk, who was so colorless his opponents used to chant "Who is James K. Polk?"

And just today Ron Paul decided to have another go at it. I think his first task ought to be to shut his son's mouth and sew it closed. Rand equated the ACA with slavery the other day, for which he earned a swift punch in the mouth (he hasn't gotten it yet, however). Ron, I find it hard to believe that this uncouth little "self-certified" spawn could have erupted from your loins.

To add insult to injury, Herman Cain, the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, 'won' the self-congratulatory circle jerk that was the GOP candidates' debate. Put on by the propaganda wing of the Party (Fox 'News'), it featured absolutely none of the purported Party A list: Palin, Gingrich, Romney, Huckabee, et. al. stayed away. Instead we were treated to the ad lib stylings of Tim Pawlenty, a man so colorless he makes white look dingy. We also got a look at Rick Santorum, who had the eponymous frothy mixture of lubricant and fecal matter oozing from his mouth every time he opened it.

So feel a tiny, just the tiniest, soupcon of pity the next time you see a Republican holding forth about their chances in 2012.

At this point in time, I really just don't see it.

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