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Monday, July 26

In my email this morning from a teacher friend.....

(her bold)

Greetings!

Many SC students end up taking the GED because a large percentage of high schoolers in some communities here drop out of high school, do not graduate, and then find themselves jobless because they lack a diploma!!! (Duh...) A chunk of state money is allocated each year to fund classes for students preparing for the GED and then support funding for the actual administration and scoring of these exams. Although the state reports that much progress is being made, the following sample of some responses to GED tests given in 2009, seem to reveal that the reports of such "progress" indicate much more progress is desperately needed. Remember as you read that these are actual test responses, not edited remarks shared by comedians!!!! Actually, it's a sad situation....if you're a teacher, these responses should help make your day as long as you teach north of the Mason-Dixon line!!! Enjoy and pray for our SC students!



GED Test (Sample Responses)


ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?



Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
(may have got that one right)

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)


Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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