Hello Everybody, It’s me. QUINCY,
This Bailout Bill Blows!
President Bush just announced ANOTHER massive bailout today that started out as three pages and now is all the way up to 450! That’s because somebody put a bunch of “sweeteners” in there to lure everybody in Congress to the trough. Mind you, this is a sensitive subject for me since I am an actual Pig without any formal representation in Congress or Hollywood and if my vegetarian pal Alec Baldwin ever goes into politics, we’re on speaking terms.
I was even thinking of calling up one of my most very favorite performers, Bette Midler to ask her if she would like to be the figurehead for my pet populist cause, the Pigs Rights Coalition (PRC). We could call Bette “The Divine Miss Swine ” and our theme song will be “This Blows” (after “The Rose”) in solidarity with all the hundreds of millions of Americans who are about to have their gooses cooked like frogs in a double-Dutch oven over a 60” Wolf Range natural gas burner.
All I can say is where is John McCain (the head of the DEAD OLD PARTY ) to battle all these earmarks and pork that everybody said he was supposed to be so good at? Well, do you want to know what? I say, put a fork in it, John McCain because if you really wanted to be the next President of the United States of America, you would be telling Americans “I know my buddies are canning your asses left and right like candied yams so they can stick that money they’d pay you into their offshore bank accounts but I’m going to put every last one of you back to work so you can afford to bail out all my friends” but so far, he hasn’t said that. Hmph. Plus, there are over 9 reasons why the bailout bill is very bad, period.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to “This Blows” so sing along out loud, everybody!
Some say (neo) cons are like a letter
That comes from Nigeria
Some say cons promise shares of fortunes
That bankers claim comes from China
Some say cons will make us hungry
An endless aching need
I say cons are like a pig-in-a-poke
Who eat the whole bag of feed
It’s the bank afraid of breaking
That’s never learned to ask
Why a Ponzi scheme as grand as this one
Could fall so bloody fast
It’s the cons who won’t be hauled off
To Rikers Island soon
And the scammers selling bogus financial instruments
Like lots of rocks-on-the moon.
When the news is full of baloney
That you have to turn the tee-vee off
And you think that cons are only
A bunch of big jack-offs
Just remember in November beneath the bitter snows
Lies a President
Who is connected
To Wall Street
And hey, this blows.