1. Here's one of my filthy, dirty little secrets: I watch FOX. Not the "news" (ha!) channel, certainly, that would give me a major aneurism/embolism before the commercial break. But I do watch a few of the sitcoms, "HOUSE," and "MadTV". I know, I know, you can hear my braincells dying from there. ANYWAYYYYYY --- They just ran a promo for "The Fox Viewer Panel." If you're "thirteen and over," go to the website (FOX-dot-com) and look for Viewer Panel. Ever wanted to change the world? How about Rupert Murdoch's prostate's longevity? Sure, sure, they'll disregard your "liberal," "moonbat," "left-wing" suggestions just as easily as any other viewer mail or protesters or any other focus group, but it is an opportunity to deliver your own little guerilla google-bomb to those shallow, scum-sucking, war-mongering, profiteering bastards, right up their own asses. Think of Randy Quaid in "Independence Day." It's not like they're not SOLICITING the help of the herds of sheeple, as it is... just like siccing the Mormons on somebody, it's not Mail Fraud, it's HELPING DISTRIBUTE THE MESSAGE. Rupert will thank you.
2. Mags sent me this joke, and it had everybody on my e-mail list howling, so I hadda share with everybody else: A Guy's New Diet (and now I know what I should've been feeding Jake!)
I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?).
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her at the end of the line
Horrified, she asked if I was in the hospital because I'd been poisoned.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought that last guy was going to have to stagger out the door.
(And if I've already posted this, don't tell me. I know that I'm getting senile, but it was a good joke, anyway.)