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Thursday, September 15

It Could Happen Tomorrow

Last night the president of the United States made his speech to the nation regarding the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The president was standing atop the roof of a yet flooded New Orleans home. He was wearing several strings of gaudy colored Mardi Gras beads and he was holding a Mardi Gras mask. As the camera moved in on the president we heard the voices of a family stranded on a nearby roof top. The family called out, “We can’t be rescued”. The president called back, “I will rescue you and soon I will rescue all the people of New Orleans.” In the back ground you could hear cheers and applause from all the other families still stranded on their roofs, two weeks after the flood began.

The president spoke of the future of the Gulf Coast. He said the US had turned the first corner in the rebuilding of Iraq, but quickly corrected himself and said we had turned the corner in the rebuilding of New Orleans. He said the road to the New Orleans airport was secured and flights resumed there this week. He spoke of the Green Zone in New Orleans and said he had appointed Paul Bremer to handle the recovery from that locale. Fox News quickly flashed up a picture of Bremer receiving the Medal of Honor.

The president said no WMD had yet been found on Bourbon Street, but the search was ongoing. He said large containers of what appeared to be alcohol had been found in various locations in the French Quarter. And he confirmed that the French Quarter would be renamed the Freedom Quarter in Katrina’s aftermath.

The president went into great detail about the security of the oil fields in the Gulf area. He also said that as Louisianans stand up, we will stand down.

The president vowed that New Orleans will soon have elections and that those who vote will dip their fingers into pots of green or gold or purple ink. He said that New Orleans would one day be a shining hope for all the surrounding states.

Mr. bush concluded his remarks by promising the people of the Gulf Coast that America would rebuild their cities. He said that whether it be terrorism or a natural disaster, America would be ready to respond. He said that even though it was hard work, we would be victorious.

Then, apparently in an attempt to highlight the reputation of the party atmosphere of New Orleans, Mr. bush turned toward the lady on the nearby roof top. He removed a string of his Mardi Gras beads from around his neck. He held the beads up in the air. Then he yelled to the stranded lady, "Hey sweetheart, show us your tits". Mr. bush chuckled and turned back to the camera. Still chuckling he said, "God Bless America".

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