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Saturday, June 25

College Republicans Channel Themselves to Iraq War

(Or Tiffanee is Just Begging for a Snarking)


Well I tell you what, things are a lot different this morning. Strange things are happening.

First we find that young college Republicans are channeling combat from home. Okay, yeah, it requires drinking a couple of gallons of cheap beer first, but it can happen.

Here’s an example of the channeling from Crooks and Liars (Link):

"I physically probably couldn't do a whole lot" in Iraq, said Tiffanee Hokel, 18, of Webster City, Iowa, who called the war a moral imperative. She knows people posted in Iraq, but she didn't flinch when asked why she wouldn't go. "I think I could do more here," Hokel said, adding that she's focusing on political action that supports the war and the troops.

"We don't have to be there physically to fight it," she said.

Now stop laughing, I think Miss Hokel (and yes, her last name doesn’t help her case) is dead serious. She can stay here in the states and do a whole hell of a lot to stop the insurgency in Iraq. She’s cheap to keep too. No uniform, no MREs, no bandages, no up-armored vehicle required and no chance of a flag draped coffin in her future. Okay, there is the expense of the cheap beer, (link) but there is also “moral imperative”. Miss Hokel feels that she "physically probably couldn’t do a whole lot" in Iraq. Bless her heart, she has so little self-confidence. Sure you could, Tiffanee. You would make lovely cannon fodder just like all the rest. If you were in Iraq you could get a real camouflage suit. You and your pals wouldn’t have to buy the fake stuff they sell at the mall. You can do it Tiffanee--we believe in you--and don’t forget the “moral imperative”. That sounds so much nicer than "war", doesn’t it?

Yes, Miss Hokel is a warrior not amongst warriors, unless of course you count her fellow Yellow Elephants.

We need more battlefield photos of these young Republicans as they virtually wage their battle against those who hate our virtual and sadly disappearing freedom. They are staging now from a convention hall. The troops are ready for combat, a bit tipsy perhaps, but shit happens.

While Miss Hokel is engaged in virtual combat, "Washington has for the first time acknowledged to the United Nations that prisoners have been tortured at US detention centers in Guantanamo Bay, as well as Afghanistan and Iraq, a UN source said."(Link) Miss Hokel doesn’t have to worry about being taken prisoner by the enemy since she’s pretty safe at the mall on most days. There’s not been a lot of combat action reported from The Gap front. But ya’ never know. Enemy insurgents could storm the sale rack and buy up all the peasant blouses. You gotta stay on top of everything these days.

To make matters a bit worse, if that’s possible, “An Italian judge has ordered the arrest of 13 officers and operatives of the CIA on charges that they seized an Egyptian cleric on a Milan street two years ago and flew him to Egypt for questioning, Italian prosecutors and investigators said Friday.” (Link) Oops. CIA gets caught with thirteen fingers in the Italian cookie jar. How do you say criminals in Italian?

So as Miss Hokel and her buds sweat and pee, but never bleed in their pretend war, all hell is breaking out in the real world. Nice work, young Repulsive-icons college kiddos. Just keep doing the dirty work of promoting the war and drinking cheap-ass beer. I’m sure the men and women who are ACTUALLY SERVING IN THE MILITARY appreciate your efforts as you are “focusing on political action that supports the war and the troops”. When the, for real don’t cha know, soldiers are dodging bullets in 112 degree temperature in a land where most people hate their guts, I’m sure it makes life easier for them just knowing that a group of college kids are comfortably, virtually, fighting along with them from the comfort of home. And like Miss Hokel said, “We don't have to be there physically to fight it.” Ain’t it the truth Miss Hokel, ain’t it the truth. I for one appreciate your service, especially your lip service which is just as transparent as your dedication. Carry on, soldier.

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