by Missouri Mule
Here's another segment of the bumper-sticker population that ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire. the ones who want us to know how well their kids are doing school. Doing well, that is, according to today's lowered standards:
"We are the proud parents of an honors student at the Franklin School." Or the Middale Academy. Or whatever other innocent-sounding name has been assigned to the indoctrination center where their child has been sent to be stripped of his individuality and turned into an obedient, soul-dead, conformist member of the American consumer culture.
What kind of empty people need to validate themselves through the achievements of a child? How would you like to live with a couple of these blockheads? "Say, Justin. How's that science project coming along?" "Fuck you, Dad, you simpleminded prick! Mind your own business and pass the Froot Loops, fucking dork."
Here are a few parental bumper stickers I'd like to see:
"We are the proud parents of a child whose self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car." That would be refreshing.
"We are the proud parents of a child who resisted his teacher's attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters." A little Marxist, but what's wrong with that/?
Here's something realistic: "We have a daughter in public school who hasn't been knocked up yet." And, for the boy: "We have a son in public school who hasn't shot any of his classmates yet. But he dose sell drugs to your honors student. Plus, he knocked up your daughter."
And what about those parents who aren't too proud of their children? "We are the embarrassed parent of a cross-eyed, drooling little nitwit, who, at the age of ten, not only continues to wet his bed, but also shits on the school bus." Something like that on the back of the car might give the child a litttle more incentive. Get him to try a little harder next semester.