This is by Frank Cerabino in today's Palm Beach Post. I can't find it on their website so I'm going to type it for you. This is his suggestion for the Christmas letter that so many people send out. Depending on the Floridian's condition this year, he gives choices. We are to choose which is appropriate for us. It's funny.
Greetings from South Florida, where the (holiday/ hurricane) season has really been extraordinary this year.
Like many in the neighborhood, our house has been (decorated/ damaged) in so many ways.
As we sit here and look at the tree in our living room, we only wish that (you/ FEMA) would be here to see it. A (neighbor/claims adjuster)came by and took a picture of it just the other day.
Let's just say that everything this season has far exceeded our (expectations/ deductibles).
Our roof has a big (red Santa/blue tarp)on it, and cars slow to look at the (North/ power) pole (display/ fragment) in our front lawn.
We get in the mood every night by going outside to (string/ round) up another strand of (lights/ downed wire).
Remember our big ficus tree? Well, you wouldn't recognize it now, because it's (full of lights/ been turned into an 8-foot mountain of mulch).
Our garage is full of (presents/ plywood) now, so much so that we keep the car in the driveway. By the way, our car is now (for sale/ a convertible) due to (high mileage/the ficus tree).
Some of our neighbors think we went overboard this season. But they ended up in
(agreement/ a shelter), eventually realizing that they hadn't done enough to prepare.
Just the other night, we were our (caroling/ taunting) in the neighborhood, singing (Jingle Bells/ Shingles Fell) and The Twelve Days of (Christmas/ Frances) in front of some of the houses.
The looks on the faces were priceless. We've come to grow very close to each other during the season.
This is especially true of our next-door-neighbor, who seems so much closer to us now that the (season/ fence) is (here/ gone). Just the other day , I mentioned to him just how (special/ loud) his (friendship/ gas generator) was. It ended with us calling (our wives/ the cops), and turning our little chat into an impromptu (get -together/ domestic disturbance).
That's the way things are here. Very spirited.
So we'd love to have you come see us next year. Come stay with us next (Christmas/ September). Before you come, just remember to (give us a call/ pack survival gear), and check the (flights/ tropics) to see what's (available/ incoming).